


Fighting Temptation

by CynicalMistrust



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel in the Bunker, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Sam-Centric, apologetic Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynicalMistrust/pseuds/CynicalMistrust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~But it was always there, lingering at the back of his mind, waiting to be acknowledged. Not unlike his thirst for demon blood.~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fighting Temptation

The elation Sam felt at meeting and knowing an angel never really faded, even after said angel called him an abomination, or when his prayers and pleas went ignored and unanswered, or when Cas proved far more invested in his brother than he ever would be with Sam. At some point, that elation turned to something deeper, friendship for a while, then shifted to... more. An unconscious, silent _something_ that sat heavy in his soul, or what was left of it.

He held his tongue, for years, refused to act on it, whatever _it_ was, other than to call Dean out on rare occasion if his brother was asking for too much, when he ignored how stressed Cas was, or how fried his powers were. But it was always there, lingering at the back of his mind, waiting to be acknowledged. Not unlike his thirst for demon blood.

It wasn't until Cas' strange decision to leave the bunker that he started questioning it, wondering why he felt disappointed that the angel-turned-human chose to be on his own rather than stay safe in the bunker. Logically he knew it wasn't because of him - he and Cas were good, friends. Not as close as Dean was, but then he didn't share a "profound bond" with him either. Except Cas had been the one to drag both of them out of Hell, so maybe they were on the same level now?

He ignored it for years, until he couldn't any longer. Until Dean disappearing with a cryptic note made him realize just how large and empty and quiet the bunker could be. So when Cas came by to catch up on their searching for Dean, he couldn't help but say, "You know you're welcome to stay here, right, Cas?"

Castiel looked at him from where he was sitting on the table next to Sam. He didn't say anything for a long moment and Sam couldn't bring himself to fill the silence, part of him wondering if Cas expected him to rescind the offer, kick him out like Dean had when Ezekiel had decided to be a douche.

"Are you sure, Sam? I don't want to impose."

Sam wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry more. Here was Castiel, Angel of the Lord, fading stolen grace, looking as beaten down as Sam felt, and he was still... endlessly and unceasingly sacrificing himself for him and his brother. And what did he get in return? Treated like shit, kicked while he was down, blamed for everything when anything went wrong or for not being there for them in petty moments.

"Yeah," he said, voice raw. "I'm sure." He stared at his computer, flexing the fingers of his good hand. "Look, Cas, I... I'm sorry, man. For... everything." The Apocalypse, for not helping with Cas' war against Raphael sooner, for being an abomination and drinking demon blood. He didn't realize he'd said that aloud until Cas' hand landed on his shoulder.

"You are not... an abomination, Sam. I shouldn't have said that." He squeezed Sam's shoulder. "Do you... want a hug?"

Sam choked on a startled laugh, reaching up to rest his hand on Castiel's and squeezing back. "No. No, we're good. Thanks, Cas." He glanced up, meeting Castiel's eyes. "So you're staying?"

Castiel left his hand on Sam's shoulder as he looked around. "I'll stay."


End file.
